Taste of Burkina

     So, depending on how you look at it, I’m either winning or losing the Peace Corps. I haven’t washed my hair since the day I left home, October 6^th. I haven’t shaved since a week after arriving in village; or a little more than a month, and I think I’ve lost at least ten pounds of muscle since I’ve been in this country. In retrospect, I’d probably call that losing I guess… But not washing my hair has been a choice, and it has been wonderful. Maybe I should delete this paragraph… nah.

      In the six weeks I’ve been in this country, I’ve watched every episode of The League (3 seasons), all but one episode of The Walking Dead (Seasons 1 & 2) which I will finish tonight, a whole season of Blue Mountain State (for the ninth time), almost the entire first season of Archer, and almost a whole season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This does not bode well for my continuation of entertainment for the next two years. Luckily I have enough movies to leave my computer running for an entire two years and then some. Also, whenever you think you have a ton, somebody else has others and trading is encouraged… sorry MPAA. Unfortunately, I do not have electricity at my site and have not quite figured out how I am going to charge things. I am really considering installing solar panels on my roof, which hook up to a large battery that can charge everything, along with one light I can use to cook… that’s right; I’m going to learn to cook… or I’m going to die. Also, I guess I better start reading because having a charged computer all the time just does not seem like it is going to happen. That said, anybody that wants to send me a kindle, it would probably get used a lot. Since I’m requesting preposterous things that nobody will send me, my external hard drive apparently decided it is no longer going to work. An extra 500 gigs or even a terabyte sure would be awesome, especially when my computer crashes in about a month from dust inhalation and I lose the 430 gigs of movies and TV I have on here. I do have a birthday coming up in less than a month…

      After stating that, I thought I’d throw in a little list for all of you if you feel really generous about sending me stuff. You cannot get protein in this country. I was eating omelets basically every day for the protein, but two days ago I had one that apparently was not cooked all the way, and I threw up about two pounds worth of eggs, cuscus, and bodily fluids… Needless to say I am going to take a break from the omelets for a while. Instead, I’d love as much beef jerky as humanly possible, as it is a great source of protein, and tastes delicious. Powdered drinks such as Crystal Light and Gatorade are awesome, as well as any sort of candy. You have no idea how much I miss sweets. Every time candy comes around is like the greatest day of all time. Taco seasoning is really nice because it goes with basically everything. Maybe some dried fruit as well? Surprisingly, tuna fish is a good thing to send. Preferably, it should not have oil because it will probably go bad. It is extremely healthy, and delicious as well. Cheese that doesn’t spoil would be great, such as Parmesan or taco cheese. You cannot get cheese here. The closest you can get is the Blue Bell that is shaped like cheese, but don’t be fooled, it isn’t. Snack food makes my heart flutter. Oreo’s are pretty much a Godsend. Is it possible to send a 6-pack of Budweiser? I miss American beer.

      Since we are on the topic of food, I thought I’d talk about the wonderful idea that my friend Amber had, that we ran with since the idea emerged. When we return to the United States, after making millions from investing in Airtel (look it up, it is an Indian cell phone company that is taking over Western Africa that jumps 8-10% per year in sales), we will open up a restaurant in each of our regional capitals. This would mean openings in Washington D.C. for Amber and I, New York City for Kelly, and Chicago for Abdul (Larry). I will need another restaurant venture after I buy a Chipotle and run it into the ground after a month because I ate the entire product. The name of this wonderful establishment will be, Taste of Burkina. We will base it off of the business plans of all of the restaurants here. It will take about 30-40 minutes to get you your food, no matter what, regardless of the fact that we have a pot of it prepared in the back. There will only be five things on the menu, including Rigra (rice), Rice with Peanut Sauce, Rice with Vegetable Sauce, Acheke (cuscus with fish usually), and omelets. At all times we will be out of two of these options, though it will vary which two. We will also have a hamburger on the menu, but that will never be available. It will however be spread around that it is the best burger in town to attract you in. We have drinks, but it is a guarantee that we will run out of Coca-Cola before all of you get one. Too bad, good thing we have a constant supply of Fanta. 12 ounce? 24 ounce? It doesn’t matter, you’ll pay the same price and we choose what you get. Lucky for you, we will always have a constant supply of Brakina, the largest standalone company in this country. That’s right, a cheap, crappy beer is the biggest company in the country. Oh wait you wanted Rigra? Sorry we ran out of that earlier. You ordered 45 minutes ago? What… you expected us to tell you? Not a chance bud. Ever heard of customer service? We haven’t. At least if you are really lucky we’ll screw up our math and you’ll get away with a free omelet… That will turn around and bite you in the ass when you get home and puke from food poisoning. Then the next time you come we’ll be sure to overcharge you for last time. Remember those drinks? We have a fully functional fridge, but that doesn’t mean we keep drinks cold. We prefer to keep them around room temperature, which is about 95 here. You’ll come back, where else can you get five star Burkinabe cuisines? That’s right, nowhere. Suckers.